


Reflecting

by Buttispams



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Love, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:15:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24142687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttispams/pseuds/Buttispams
Summary: Chasten and Peter adapt to quarantine.
Relationships: Chasten Buttigieg/Pete Buttigieg
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Reflecting

**Author's Note:**

> I keep doing this thing where I start new fics even though I still have a handful in progress.

Despite being in quarantine for almost two months, Chasten was still having trouble adjusting. Unlike Peter, he hadn’t yet figured out a schedule, and some days he still woke up thinking he was in a hotel room. It was hard to complain, however, because he now had the luxury of falling asleep next to his husband every night.

They figured out pretty early on that even though they were stuck in the house, they would need to find ways to put distance between them. Chasten loved Peter, but if he had to spend every minute of every day with him, he was gonna lose it. Since Peter launched his Win The Era Pac, they both agreed that he should get the study to work, and Chasten could have another room.

The first couple days he hung out in the living room with the dogs, but that got old very fast, he felt the need to be productive. His first thought was the basement, but that idea quickly diminished when he went down and realized how creepy it was. Then he moved upstairs to the guest bedroom, but he didn’t like that either, it felt too much like being back in a hotel room. Finally, he made his way to the attic, it was a little dusty, and there were a lot of boxes, but from the way the sun shined through, lighting up the space, he was able to see so much potential.

Two weeks later, most of the boxes had been organized, either moving things into the basement, putting things out on display, or just simply thrown out. Next, Chasten moved up furniture, getting Peter’s help with some book cases, a coffee table, and the futon that he always felt was taking up too much space in the living room. Then, once all that was done, he finished the room off by putting books on shelves, hanging up pictures of him and Peter along with posters from the campaign, and placing small candles and potted plants on the coffee table and bookcases, making the room feel more homey.

Besides redecorating, Chasten was also filling his time with talking to people live, on his Instagram. He felt a little envious of Peter for being able to help and support people, and Chasten just wanted to do his part as well, so he started giving his fans daily chats. Most days it was just him and his guest, but sometimes he was able to convince Peter to join him for a few minutes.

He was always so happy when Peter made an appearance. Sure Chasten lived with him, and could see him, literally, whenever he wanted to, but there was just something about the two of them, spreading joy, just for a minute or two, that made him so giddy. He felt like he was back on the trail getting to share a stage with Peter, though they only did a few times, and he knew that there were people on the other side of the screen that were sharing the same hope that they had, even if he couldn’t see it.

For the next few weeks things carried on the same way. Some days Chasten woke up with so much energy. He would take the dogs on long walks, watch cheerful TV, make him and Peter a large dinner, and end the night, curled up on the couch with his husband. 

Other days, though, weren’t so easy. There were many times when he wouldn’t get out of bed until almost noon, sometimes even later. If he felt up to it, he would throw on a pair of jeans, but mostly he just stumbled downstairs in a pair sweatpants, and a t-shirt. He would then wrap himself up in a blanket and watch TV, usually a heartbreaking musical, or a drama based show. For dinner, sometimes he got it up to cook, allowing himself to relax in the process, and other times Peter took the reins and made something simple, before they ended the night together as usually, curled up on the couch.

Finally, there were Chasten’s worst days. They didn’t happen often, three times a month, at most, but they were rough. He barely got out of bed, and he would grip onto Peter, not wanting him to get up either. These were the days when all of his built up anxieties took over, and made him into a needy mess. Peter did his best to be there for him, knowing that he needed support, but it was hard, because no matter how Chasten felt, Peter still had to work.

Fortunately for Chasten, however, his husband was so loving and understanding, and every hour Peter would come up to check on him, sometimes bringing him coffee or a snack, and if he had a few minutes to spare, he pull Chasten into his lap, soothingly stroking his hair as he whispered random sentiments of love and affection.

For dinner, Peter would heat up some leftovers, and drag a reluctant Chasten downstairs to eat at the table. By doing this, it made it easier for Chasten to be convinced to stay downstairs longer, and join Peter on the couch, or sit outback with the dogs, but after a few hours, he was worn out, and would go back upstairs where Peter would hold him, and assure him that everything would be okay.

It was easy for Peter to take care of Chasten, one because he loved him more than anything, and two because Chasten did the same for him when he was having an off day.

The only problem was sometimes Chasten wouldn’t notice right away, or even at all. Unlike Chasten, Peter would get out of bed early, as usual, go for a run, shower, change into a crisp button up, and get to work in his study, the only difference was, he became very quiet and reserved.

Because of this, it was hard for Chasten to catch on to Peter's emotional discomfort. He tried to give him space of his own during the day, so he didn’t see or speak to him enough to see that Peter was off, not until around 5:00pm when Peter usually put his work away for the day.

At this time, Chasten was able to pick up on Peter’s rough days. Instead of going about the rest of the night, normally, Peter lacked his common happiness, and optimism, he stopped talking as much, often only making simple conversation, or sometimes none at all, and his biggest tell, happened when he logged off from work, and went straight upstairs to change back into comfortable clothes.

On these days, Chasten did his best to be as supportive as possible, knowing that the hardest part of everything for Peter was that he was becoming vulnerable, lacking his constant straight backed military demeanor.

Chasten had built an understanding of how to act around Peter when he was having a bad day, but on some occasions, Peter was more upset, and Chasten had to figure things out as they went.

That’s how Chasten found himself filled with a careful concern as he sat next to Peter on the couch after dinner one night.

When they cleaned up from their meal, Chasten asked Peter if they could watch a movie together, and Peter’s only response was a small nod with a barely there smile.

They turned off the lights, pressed play on the film, and Chasten pulled a blanket over them as he settled into Peter’s side.

He pushed through the first hour, trying to keep his attention on the screen, but he was honestly so bored, so he turned his head to tickle his nose against Peter’s neck while placing little kisses to the skin.

“Chasten, what are you doing?” Peter had a light sternness in his voice that made Chasten stop instantly.

“I’m just kissing you.”

“Just watch the movie.” Peter’s voice softened, pleading with Chasten.

“But you’re just so much more interesting.” Chasten playfully pouted, pressing more kisses to Peter’s neck.

“Chasten stop!” Peter pushed him back, his voice filling with frustration. “Either watch the movie or shut it off.”

“What is your problem?!” Chasten became defensive. “You have been fine all night.”

“You know what? Fuck this, I’m going to bed!” Peter stood up abruptly with built up anger. “Either join me and knock it off, or sleep in the fucking guest room.”

And with that, Peter was gone, leaving Chasten genuinely confused. If Peter wasn’t in the mood for sex he usually just said so. Besides, he really was fine all night, they joked around while taking the dogs for a walk, Chasten even managed to get him to dance in the kitchen while making dinner. Had he said something while they ate?

Over the next couple minutes Chasten wracked his brain trying to remember something he might have said or done, but he couldn’t come up with anything. He sighed getting up from the couch, he shut off the TV, brought their cups to the kitchen sink, and folded the duvet over the back of the sofa before cautiously making his way up to the bedroom.

When he got to the room, Peter was already in bed. Chasten changed into a t-shirt and boxers, brushed his teeth, and then got in bed beside his husband.

Peter was on his side facing away from him, his breathing was steady making Chasten assume he was already asleep. Chasten laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling as he thought some more.

_ Something is seriously wrong. Peter never yells at me like that, and he only ever gets upset when the dogs are acting out, or we’re fighting, but we never go to bed angry, that’s like the number one rule of relationships. Besides, even when we are fighting, he always tells me what’s wrong. What if it’s me? What if the reason he’s not saying anything is because the problem isn’t something I did, but rather just me? _

Chasten swallowed back the lump that was in his throat, blinking back the tears that were forming in his eyes. He looked at Peter, then leaned up on his arm, resting one hand on his shoulder, and dropping a gentle kiss to the back of his neck. “I love you, Peter.”

Chasten removed his hand and laid down on his back.

“Goodnight, Chasten,” Peter grumbled in response.

Chasten stared at him for a moment, in shock, then he rolled over, to face the wall, clutching his pillow as new tears welled in his eyes, and he cried himself to sleep.

…

The next morning, Chasten woke up around 10:30, and as always, Peter was already out of bed. Chasten blinked his eyes open, as he sat up, then made his way straight into the bathroom.

Upon returning to the bedroom, he moved to the nightstand picking up his phone, smiling shyly as he noticed a mug of hot coffee that was placed next to it. He spent a couple minutes sitting on the bed, sipping his coffee and watching his mentions on Instagram. Then he changed into jeans and a sweater and headed down to the kitchen to refill his mug.

On his way, he stopped by Peter’s study, warily poking his head in, with a soft knock on the door frame.

“Hey,” Chasten spoke softly, lifting his mug. “Thanks for the coffee.”

Peter nodded with a sad smile. “You’re welcome.”

Chasten turned to leave, but stopped when Peter spoke again.

“Chasten, I’m sorry about last night, I just-... I need some time and space.”

“Sure,” Chasten replied weakly, then he left, and went to the kitchen. He got more coffee, ate a quick breakfast, and moved upstairs to the attic where he spent the next few hours. He took some time reaching out to hopeful guests to have on his live streams, then he did some reading, but got bored quickly. Luckily for him, he wasn’t the only one getting bored. Over the last hour Truman had started getting antsy.

Chasten made his way down the steps calling Truman to follow, once again peeking into Peter’s study on his way. 

“Hey, I’m gonna take Truman out for a bit.”

“Yeah, okay.” Peter responded, but kept his focus on his computer.

“When I get back, I’ll start on dinner.”

Peter finally looked up at him, flashing a small smile, but then he quickly returned to his work. “Mmkay.”

Chasten sighed, then walked out. He hooked Truman on the leash, and they headed out of the house, and they walked around the town for hours.

Sometimes Peter would join him, taking Buddy as well. They liked to stroll down the path along the river, reliving their first date, or they would walk down the block to Anne’s house and sit on the porch with her, some days even continuing their walks with her and her new pup Sheamus.

Chasten led Truman across the bridge, over the river, up to the edge of the city, and wrapped back around to the house, returning after almost three hours.

Once inside, he let Truman off the leash, hanging it back up on the hook by the door, and slowly stepped into the living room, halting with caution when he noticed Peter on the couch. He was perched on the edge of the cushions, head in his hands, propping his elbows up on his knees. He picked his head up when he heard Chasten enter the room.

“Hey,” Peter spoke, softly, “can we talk?”

Chasten nodded, and sat next to Peter, angling himself to face Peter.

Peter stared straight ahead, unable to look at Chasten. “I’ve been sitting here for close to two hours, just, thinking, actually, more like reflecting.”

The longer Chasten looked at his husband, the more he could see the light red rings under Peter’s dark eyes, and the way his lips were curled into a slight frown. “Reflecting on what?”

“Literally everything, my entire life.” Peter looked up, willing his eyes to stop watering, but to no avail. He swallowed hard, then turned to face Chasten. 

“I just keep thinking, you know, like, what if something happens to me, and I end leaving with regrets, or if something happens to someone I care about, or, god forbid, you. I’m so scared of the possibility of losing you, that I’m afraid of being close to you.”

Peter grabbed onto Chasten's hand, gripping it fiercely, rubbing his thumb over Chasten’s knuckles. “I think that’s why I freaked out last night, because I’m subconsciously trying to distance myself from you, or something.”

“Peter, hey, we’re gonna be fine. I know things are scary, right now, but everything’s going to be fine.” Chasten ran a free hand over Peter’s cheek, leaning in close. “And, I don’t want you to distance yourself, because if for some reason, something did happen to either one of us, I want to know that I got to spend every possible minute with you.”

Peter lounged forward, crashing himself against Chasten, burying his face in his husband's neck. “Oh God, I’m so sorry, Chasten, for everything, for last night.” He abruptly pushed back from Chasten cupping his cheeks in his hands. “And I’m so sorry for not saying I love you back, I should have never left it in the open like that, I should have told you, no matter how upset I was.”

“Shh, Peter, it’s okay.” Chasten pressed a quick kiss to Peter’s lips, and pulled him back into a tight embrace. “I know you love me, and I love you, too.”

Peter pulled out of the hug just enough to rest his forehead to Chasten’s. “Good, don’t ever doubt that.”

“Never.” Chasten kissed him, and used his thumb to wipe the tears from Peter’s cheeks.

“I know it’s getting late, and we should have dinner soon, but can you just hold me for a bit, and then we’ll order take out, or something?”

“Whatever you need.” Chasten gave him one more kiss, then he moved to sit back into the cushions, pulling Peter down onto his chest. He stared down at Peter, combing his fingers through his hair. A question lingered on Chasten’s lips, and after a few minutes, he couldn’t keep it to himself any longer. “When you reflect on things, do you ever have regrets?”

“Sometimes.” Peter watched him from below, nervously biting his bottom lip.

Chasten swallowed hard, before carefully asking his next question. “Do you ever have regrets about us, me?”

“Sometimes,” Peter replied, but he rushed to fill in more information before Chasten could get upset. “But only ever the bad stuff, like when I put work before you, or ignore your feelings, or say mean things like last night, but I will never regret being with you.”

Chasten leaned down to drop a kiss on Peter’s forehead, a smile growing on his lips. “Me neither.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter: @Buttispams
> 
> More 'Room to Rent' and 'Touch of Reassurance' coming soon.
> 
> If anyone is wondering about 'A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words', I still plan to add to it, but I'm having a creative dry spell, right now.


End file.
